My Story - Fertility Footsteps

My Story

My desire to be a mum was strong from when I was quite young. When my nephew was born, it grew stronger. When my 2 nieces came along – it was confirmed. I was hooked and I would definitely be a mum. It was just a matter of when.

My path in life and my career as a hypnotherapist and coach even led me to teach empowering pregnancy & birth education to expectant parents (which I love!) and I just assumed that when the time was right (oh if only I had known) – that I would set about ‘making it happen’.

Why wouldn’t it? I am a person, you see – that has often taken risks in life and just DECIDED something was going to happen and it usually did. (These days I am learning to embrace my ‘inner control-freak’ but back then, I was tested to my limits)

6 months passed, I became worried. Then after 12 months, feeling totally lost and out of control. By 18 months of battling infertility I was an utter mess. But I put on my best ‘game face’ for the outside world. Inside I felt empty.

I taught my hypnobirthing classes every month to pregnant women & their partners and wondered if it would ever happen for me? Looking back now, I wonder where I got the strength from to continue. I put on my ‘happy face’ and delivered my beloved birth education to my expectant parents and just wished and hoped so desperately that it would be our turn someday. We were given the crushing diagnosis of ‘unexplained infertility’ and yes – the issue was most likely with me and my ‘older eggs’, but they couldn’t be sure. What is a girl to DO with that kind of devastating news?  I immediately blamed myself. My self-esteem and self-belief were literally on the floor. My husband and I were thrown into chaos and I started to panic. I think I brought that panic state with me wherever I went and I carried it like a boulder across my shoulders for probably 3 years or so. Is it any wonder I was not conceiving? IVF or not! Yes – there were other physical elements in play and my maternal age also, but my anxiety & fear and unhealthy beliefs were blocking the reproductive process.

Of that I am certain.

The heartbreak and repeated fertility treatment failures that followed at times almost became too much to bear. Nothing could have prepared me for the gut-wrenching disappointment that came with each new blow. Trying to conceive nearly broke my spirit entirely. I lost touch with the fun-loving & bubbly person I used to be. Both happy and sad things happened around me throughout that period – but there was only one way it seemed I was capable of feeling: Numb.

But something deep inside inspired me to fight. Something had to change.

Here I was – an experienced hypnotherapist & coach with so many skills at my disposal – so I decided to use them. Properly. I also did an enormous amount of research into how I could prepare myself physically & emotionally for a new cycle. With my husband’s encouragement, I decided also to ask for some guidance and support, which was the beginning of a whole new experience. I reconnected with myself and my inner strengths and I was encouraged to tap back into skills I had used in my years of hypnotherapy practice with my clients which had resulted in many pregnancies – which had begun to lay dormant in me (due to depleted hope).

And everything changed.

I want to share with you what I learned about the absolute necessity of developing a positive mindset through infertility. How I developed resilience, acceptance, courage and learned to enjoy my life & my relationships again (even before I became pregnant). How I managed to achieve my dream of becoming a mother after a long and difficult road of fertility treatment and how I can help you to step closer to your dream too.

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