I believe in the law of attraction. I think I’ve been using it in many ways for many years now, long before I knew how it worked. Little did I know how powerful it really is, until I used it to help me overcome obstacles in my life.
I had been making it work for me in a negative way just as effectively for a very long time. None more so than when we were trying to have a baby. Being a fertility coach and positive birth educator, you would think the penny would have dropped. Instead I got caught up in all the ‘details’.
My body was saying:
“IVF? – let’s do it! Bring on the hormones and humiliating scans! I can totally do this! (Just give me a rough time frame to work with)”
But my mind was saying:
” You are a failure”. “This will never work”. “You’re not a real woman”. You’ve left it too long and now it’s too late”.
With the subconscious part of our minds taking up most of the lodging space in our heads (neuroscience is now stating this is about 90-92%), and taking into consideration the fact that we hold our fears, beliefs and emotions in our subconscious – which messages do you think were the loudest?
That’s right -those of the inner mind.
So I discovered that because I was in a negative state of mind (particularly following my 2nd failed IVF), I scanned my world for evidence to confirm what a failure I was. And how that manifested was what seemed like an avalanche of all things pregnancy-related.
Friends, neighbours, the woman in the queue at the supermarket. I kid you not – ‘they’ were everywhere. Throw into the mix the irony of being a hypnobirthing teacher, and I really felt like life had dealt me a tremendously cruel hand.
While I don’t think I created my own experience of infertility – it wasn’t until I began to let go of the tight grip of controlling the outcome and had some emotional fertility support in place, that I began to see the beauty in the world again.
I meditated. A lot. I used EFT and tapped on every meridian point in my body till my fingers hurt.
I began attending friend’s babies’ birthday parties again (instead of hiding under a blanket at home wishing the day would pass). I began to embrace and look forward to teaching my hypnobirthing antenatal classes again and re-framed my thinking around it. Instead of saying “why me?” – I wondered if the wonderful energy of all these new lives that were about to begin could surely give birth to something in me again?
My spark. Hope. Zest for life. My sense of humour (which was MIA – last seen around 2012). Thank you to all of you wonderful hypnobabies for your supportive energy.
Following IVF No. 3, I entered my last and final two-week wait a different person.
I’m a control freak, yet I had let go. I had developed resilience. I decided that if this one didn’t work, we would take time out and look at next options. Calmer. More at peace.
But it did work.
Was it the new protocol? Maybe.
Was it the fact that I got on a plane and dragged a suitcase around an airport 3 hours after my embryo transfer and let go of the outcome a little? Could be.
Maybe it was the pineapple and brazil nuts I ate to aid implantation that I read on a fertility support forum? Very possibly.
I have my own theory on that one.
What we focus on expands. Focus well.